Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
