ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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