you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize