And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Never joke about your clitoris.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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