the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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