this beer tastes like vomit already
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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