I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
