Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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