I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
