Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
