Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
