God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
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