Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
