we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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