thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
