I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
