Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
