i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
try to milk me bitch
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
