we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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