I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
