Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
