Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
