there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
