Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize