Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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