if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize