Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
