and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
