It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
