I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
