He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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