I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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