i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
