but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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