Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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