dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
