Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize