in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
