her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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