Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
