i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
