oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm jealous of your bromance
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
