Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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