tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
