i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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