Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
