How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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