You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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