You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
