there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
