Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
