Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We left the knife in your bed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
