"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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