I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
