I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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