I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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