My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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