My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
