Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
