I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
false alarm, still single
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