marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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