You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize