The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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