my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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