Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
