Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
