fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
