pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
